


You don't have to be human to be loved

by existentialcatastrophy, Kmid



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Body Horror, Carlos is Human, Carlos is a Good Boyfriend, Cecil is Inhuman, Consentacles, Eldritch Abomination Cecil, First Time, M/M, Other, Tentacles, Xenophilia, scared carlos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-11
Updated: 2014-05-11
Packaged: 2018-01-24 07:48:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1597166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/existentialcatastrophy/pseuds/existentialcatastrophy, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kmid/pseuds/Kmid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Truth be told, you weren't even sure what you were. So how could you tell the love of your life, the only man you had seen in as many years as you had been in radio that had truly made something much deeper spark in what seemed to be your heart. How would you be able to explain to him what you are? If creatures like you had some semblance of a heart, you were certain he made yours work. If he didn't want you after this, would yours stop beating?</p>
            </blockquote>





	You don't have to be human to be loved

Cecil:

Truth be told, you weren't even sure what you were. So how could you tell the love of your life, the only man you had seen in as many years as you had been in radio that had truly made something much deeper spark in what seemed to be your heart. How would you be able to explain to him what you are? If creatures like you had some semblance of a heart, you were certain he made yours work. If he didn't want you after this, would yours stop beating? You were almost certain it would be so.

Your name is Cecil Gershwin Palmer and you are an abomination. You are somewhere between worlds, between realities. A multidimensional terror. An emissary on the mortal realm. Descendant of a much older being. You are made up of universal matter, but night vale itself sat on a dimensional fault line, so it wasn't really your fault. Your mother, gods rest her soul, was human enough. You were born of a woman inexplicably drawn to the zoologically dubious. Your father, well, if you could call it that, an Elder god of some sort. At least, that's what Josie's angels had told you. Not that you ever participated in conversations with _things that don't exist, like angels._

It was a mystery in itself that you had even managed to achieve the emotion of love. You guessed long ago that your dear mother had instilled in you the ability to feel before she was...gone, wherever it was that she went. It was a good ability, one that you much appreciated. It let you have joy, let you have anger, a real way to connect with all the other emotion feeling people of night vale. Let you tell right from wrong and who to not listen to ( _steve carlsburg_....) and who to love, ( _Carlos, dear, perfect, sweet, lovely Carlos_.) Perhaps your love for him was a little intense, a little forward compared to the way most humans went about loving. But you were anything but human. As you blink all three of your eyes and continue to speak in a voice barely yours about all the things seen and unseen in the town, you know you aren't human. You think he knows too. But does he know quite _how_ “not human?” Will the scientist still love you back once you tell him everything? Show him everything? Or will the same existential horror that overcame Earl run Carlos off too? Cause him to forget everything about the failed attempt at the highest form of physical affection, like it had Earl? Would Carlos become caught in an eternal state of "why did we break up? I cant quite remember?" like Earl had been?

The thoughts cause your voice to falter in your throat.

"Sorry listeners. Seems I lost where I was at for a moment there. As I was saying. Traffic is pretty crazy out there. And by that I mean it is psychologically unstable, so watch out for the traffic having a few manic episodes as the day wears on. If the traffic seems to become very depressed, please alert authorities immediately, as this could cause some slow downs." You repeat yourself, getting back on track.

\--

Carlos:

Your last relationship ended rather abruptly, a little unpleasantly. He had been more interested in the idea of dating and stable things about your life like a house, a vehicle of your own and such than he had been about you personally. That was when you reminded yourself that the euphoric feeling that came along with 'love' was just a series of chemicals released in the brain to create an ideal mating fondness for another member of your species and had little to nothing to do with any so called "matters of the heart" You told yourself this, to try and keep it from hurting. You were nearly forty years old. You didn't have time for these foolish games. You had your career. Which was actually getting bland at this point, too. But a relationship obviously was not the solution, right?

So you had packed up your things, your equipment, followed a rumor on a foolish whim,to an area that was supposedly as scientifically unproven and unstable as it was hard to find. You wanted to see if this so called "night vale" existed, and why everyone that had ever been there had so many weird hallucinations or strange stories to tell upon returning. Why so many supposedly never returned.

You told yourself research was good, love was a pointless endeavor for procreation where in your case none could occur anyway and you had nothing really to lose but track of time.

In turn, this was when love had found you.

Or rather, thrust itself upon you in the form of one Cecil Palmer, a radio show host who was wholly more than you could handle.

It started out with half the small town telling you about Cecil's "big crush" and reached it's breaking point when you nearly lost your life. The man who barely knew you cried on the radio, for a whole town to hear over your loss. Why would anyone do that? It wasn't as if there was any real reason for a radio show host that had it all to throw so much attention your way...what did Cecil hope to gain? Their interactions had been platonic, short at best...but Cecil daydreamed and swooned and...you were intrigued. You hadn't wanted to be. But you had nearly died and this near-stranger wanted nothing more than for you to be alive _even though you hadn't returned his affections one bit._

In fact, you hadn't even given any sign of trying to. You had been nearly stand offish with him.

But he still felt for you. The times you had heard your name on the radio (as awkward as that was) The man's voice was full of unnatural, possibly unhealthy amounts of emotion...

You decided to meet him that day. The day you nearly died.

You had felt for the first time in ages, something raw and powerful you couldn't explain as just the release of chemicals into gray matter.

You began to date him.

–

Cecil:

You are so far from ready for this. Something inside you flutters, you wring your hands in that nervous, fidgety way that you tend to do. Perhaps you would start things off slow. An accidental slip of a tentacle here, then gauge his reaction before you show him anything further? You didn't want to make the mistakes you had made with Earl, the mistakes that made his human brain literally erase the whole night of your breakup, the night of your first time. You had broken his mortal mind and Earl was a night vale _native_. Could Carlos even handle this? 

Dread flooded your emotions all at once. You have a very hard time feeling more than one thing at a time since feeling anything takes up a huge part of your being when it happens. So, dread flooded you (and coincidentally part of the break room, like an inky smoke sliding across the floor and making the nearest resting intern suddenly extremely nervous for reasons he probably wouldn't be able to explain.) 

Your phone buzzes. Its a series of texts.

"Cecil, be there in a bit. It will be really nice to go to olive garden for once. I didn't know they usually have wasps but its kind of cool that they have a wasp free night isn't it?

Oh and I did pick up, you know...preparations, if you want to take the evening back to your place like you said the other night.

If not, that's perfectly okay. You had just mentioned it so I thought i would let you know.

xoxoxo"

You flutter with anticipation, a night out with Carlos, you do your best not to swoon.

"Mr. Cecil?" Its a station intern.

"Oh, yes, Eliza?"

"Sir you're um...well, your on the floor, are you alright?"

"Oh! yes...I'm fine, sorry, I was thinking about Carlos!" As if that were enough explanation.

But to your interns, it was in fact, plenty.

  
  


\--

Carlos:

Dinner went as well as you have come to expect from night vale in general. Which meant utterly odd but not at this point life threatening or truly unpleasant. Plus, Cecil was there with you and that made all the difference. Whenever you ate alone it was at home, in the apartment you were renting (some small fee like minutes off of your life per year was your payment for room and board, which seemed like a pretty good deal at the time.) And fairly boring. Eating at a restaurant in this town was an experience you would rather not brave alone.

But with Cecil, there was at least his warm smile, his gentle eyes (third one slightly aglow). You have figured that he was something slightly different from the first few times you really got a good look at his face, pale and fine, his third eye, strange as it was. He was about as normal as anyone else in this town besides you though. Everyone here dressed strangely, or had some sort of unusual features for the most part. Cecil also seemed to have some sort of foresight. And the way the man emoted was like nothing you had ever seen. Like everything he felt was the raw essence of that feeling. It was hard to explain. It was almost too subtle to really pinpoint though, so far it had escaped your full study.

You never really wondered about his species though. Human, obviously. Psychic maybe, if such a thing existed. Strange tattoos that in a way that seemed to shift from time to time but human none the less. So when the subject of humanity came up it surprised you a little.

"My erm...last boyfriend was human." Cecil had been talking and you had been spacing out. Whoops.

"Right...Earl right? I mean, I figured since you're human." You could almost hear the triple dots of silence on his lips. You ordered desert and lapsed into relative but not horribly awkward silence. What had he been trying to bring up?

–

Cecil:

You knew you should have fully told him. You should let him know even now as you ride to your place in his car. He bought protection, he bought lube, he is totally expecting sex. Which you very badly want too, with him. In fact you really want nothing more than to let him touch every single surface of you, to explore you in every possible way, in ways you could never please yourself. To wrap yourself in the emotion and deep passion that is everything you feel for perfect, imperfect _Carlos_. You want him to kiss your tender parts and caress everything about you everyone but a few (very close) friends has rejected in the past. You want the deep connection of true intimacy, love...love. Lust. Passion. Beautiful overwhelming emotions and you are suddenly aware you are flooding the car with your desires as Carlos side-eyes you with a soft expression.

"Stop!" you yelp. You cant do this. You cant break him like that. You are filled with dread. You love him too much to fill him with that dread. He doesn't question as he pulls over. He trusts you, he completely trusts you, you the Eldritch terror half-human. This fragile human and beautiful and perfect as your mother trusts you not to rip his sanity in half like you could. You want to cry and suddenly he looks like he does too. There is a long silence.

"Cecil?" He asks. His dark features are concerned, his spotting gray temples standing out in the dark of the evening on the roadside. You are close to your home. So close...

"Carlos I cant...I cant go through with it. You don't understand and you wont but if I tell you you will leave me. So we shouldn't do this."

Another long silence.

"Cecil...if you don't want to have sex that's okay...I um...I understand...I didn't mean to put any pressure on you." He sounded guilty.

"Its not that I don't want to! Oh, Carlos please understand...I want to very badly its just...the last person who tried to with me got...hurt."

It was obvious Carlos was trying his best to understand, but the chilly night crept into the car and he shivered.

"Cecil...is this something we can maybe talk about?"  
  
"No. Carlos...just..drop me off, if you wont let me walk...."

Carlos didn't question you again, just gave to a slight nod, didn't press.

  
  


\--

Carlos:

You drive home, stomach in knots. the night had gone well enough, but you were surprised by how quickly it had taken a turn for the uncomfortable. You receive a text from Cecil trying to reassure you that everything is fine but you are far from believing it. There was something that Cecil was very close to doing that he backed out on.

When you press for more information over the next few days all you get is a message saying "I love you to much to do that, Carlos. Please understand."

Finally its late at night, three days later and you are beginning to worry incessantly. You text him at three AM.

"Cecil, sweetheart. What is it? Please tell me what you are afraid of me finding out. If you tell me over text maybe it will be easier?"

There is a very long fifteen minutes of bated breath before you get a response.

"Carlos...I want to stay together with you. I want to be yours but, I want you to stay sane."

A very very odd response. But its a start.

"Okay. What makes you think something like that would change?"

"im n-" He must have bumped send before he even finished typing.

You quirk a brow at your phone.

"Go on. It's alright. I love you, you know that, right?"

Another several minutes pass and you want to press, you can barely handle having so little information to work with.

"I'm not human.

Not fully.

Carlos I...thought you should know."

You take a moment to process that.

"I should have figured that out. There were a few signs, but I didn't want to presume. Okay. But you seem fine to me. Nothing I cant deal with. Its okay..."

"That's not all..."

"Okay..." You let it trail because you want him to do this at his comfort level.

"I'm not anatomically human."

Genital insecurity?

"Okay...But to be honest Cecil aside from the eye and the moving tattoos I haven't noticed much difference."

"picture message received: download?"

Okay, that was odd, but okay. You press download. Your phone breaks. Literally cracks. You are baffled, startled and very concerned. What had Cecil sent you and now that your phone was broken was he sitting on the other side of the line waiting for a response that wouldn't come?

You decide to drive. It's important. You are more compelled than you have been in a long time. You don't know what to expect at the end of this drive, you start to prepare your mind for anything. Love. You love him, and you cant explain the love he has for you. The chemicals you know all about don't make sense to you. Brain chemicals and logic and mating fondness cant explain how compelling it is that you are fighting against every red flag this should give you to go find out what this is all about, but most of all that you don't want him _hurting_.

\--

Cecil:

Its been twenty minutes, fifteen seconds and hyper fast you are counting the nanoseconds. Your world slows down to them, dragging them out agonizingly slow. You should have known. The mere picture of your true form just made him not want to respond. At least unlike Earl he would probably remember this experience. You didn't know if that was a good or a bad thing. You are already falling into a wailing sense of distress. Your downstairs neighbor slams their broom handle into the ceiling. Apparently you are oozing misery down the walls already. You try to pull yourself together. There is a knock at the door. You get up.

"I'm very sorry," you call out. "I promise it will pass with time, I'm just afraid my boyfriend might break up with me so I got a little-" You explain as you reach the door. Instead of your neighbor, you come face to face with dark features, gorgeous brown hair, greying at the edges, soft dark eyes full of concern and fear and now a little relief. Carlos...

"Cecil." He says gently.

"But...you didn't reply." You say, glad somewhere in the back of your thoughts that you had drug yourself back to human form after snapping that picture to send so at least now he doesn't have to look at you...but why is he here, trying to look at you?

"My phone broke." He offers. It's obvious he doesn't really know what to say right now at all.

"So...so you didn't see?" Fear and anticipation flood you again.

"No...no I didn't but I want to know what it was I was supposed to...Cecil please, can I come in?" He asks you. gods below he really doesn't have a clue...You file “sending selfies” away under things you probably shouldn't do apparently and nod despite yourself. He hasn't run yet...Maybe there's an easier way. You wonder if you can avoid shocking him then the sight of you wont be so terrifying on a visceral level...how to soften this confession? How can you tell him about yourself. You lead him in, let him sit down. He's winded...did he run? You can help the rush of love you feel for him despite your worry and you turn to your cabinet of municipally approved books. Nothing of any help. The box of mother's things perhaps? Is that where you remember it? Or did _He_ take it with him, though you have kind of a hazy time remembering who exactly He is...You clear your mind and try to focus. You find what you are looking for after a few minutes of shuffling through the box of items that once belonged to your mother. There is a book, one that should not be in anyone's possession. Banned by the secret police though you long again avoided their mind scanning, but sheer default. You are only kept tabs on by station management truthfully, and they report their information somehow. 

Its a thick book with an old hyde cover of some sort. 'tome of zoologically dubious' is inscribed in the cover in a language your fairly sure a normal human couldn't read. You carry the unnaturally heavy thing into your living room and hand it to your boyfriend. He squints at it.

–

Carlos:

The book Cecil hands you is thick and far too heavy to be physically possible, as if the pages were sheets of lead. You try to make out the title but its as if the letters are shifting of their own accord. You squint, then give up and open it. By the third page your heart is racing. There are words, and then there are images. Drawings in old pen on yellowed paper, drawings of things that nobody probably should ever witness. They are terribly grotesque creatures that seem to float in space, scales show them impossibly big, graphs explain how they exist on other dimensions, fourth and fifth dimensions...they are masses of all the most hazardous parts of living things, all spikes and tentacles and without being able to read all the wording you know that each one is explained as a living thing wiser and smarter than any human, older than existence and uniquely living...But at the same time the idea of something like that turns your stomach...

You look up at Cecil, unable to form the words to ask what this all means. He knows the question in your eyes though, and doesn't meet them. He gnaws at his lip for a few minutes. 

"You..." You start, not really sure how to ask anything at all really.

"Half. Cant explain how, but I'm pretty sure that's it...I don't know which one I belong to...but something like that."

That hits you like a migraine for a moment. Cecil isn't human, you almost could have figured that as strange as things are around him...but hes half elder god, like something from a novel that you thought was fiction...But in front of you is a pale human that looks to be around his near 30s, blond hair and narrow face...violet eyes and a sickening sense of dread. Oh.

"You...you don't always look like this do you." You finally ask the question weighing on your mind, closing the book and setting it aside. He shakes his head.

You take a deep breath. But you remember the love, too. You force yourself to. 

"Carlos...this is why...why I was afraid to bring you back here the other night. When Earl saw me, right when we tried to have sex he...he..." Cecil gets choked up on the words and you surge forward and hold him close. 

"Shhh...its okay Cecil..." You tell him. You aren't actually sure it is, but you tell him that. Because above all else you want him to not hurt....to feel loved. "You can feel love?" You ask though the answer is obvious.

"More than you can comprehend!" Is his reply to you, and you can almost feel him vibrate in your arms as he presses a kiss to you. There are tears in his eyes, you can feel the dampness as he buries his face in your neck.

"I can't guarantee I wont be afraid, but I wont break. I know what I'm going to be looking at...I wont..."

"You'll want to forget." Cecil mutters, a note of hopelessness creeping into his harmonic tone. its the same crack his voice had once when he thought you had died.

"No. No I wont." You decide to take charge. If he wont believe you you will prove him wrong. You pull back a little and press lips to his neck, kissing at first and then letting your lips part to taste skin. He flutters under your touch.

"Carlos..." He says softly. "It's too good to be true..."

"Cecil...please let me love you. If I am afraid then Ill face it like I do every dangerous thing I do. I'm very used to it...I don't normally subscribe to something like the so called power of love, but..." You kiss his skin again, biting against his neck and pressing your body close to his. "But especially the way you have loved me from the start, I cant really deny that's a force to be reckoned with." His hands are in your hair, holding tight.

"Carlos are you sure..." 

"Take it slowly and I will be." You tell him.

  
  


\--

Cecil:

You resolve to play this out now that it has begun. You know that backing out now would only make things worse. Shifting between the two forms isn't so hard for you, physically, but emotionally controlling your already manic and polar feelings is an entire other story. You know for a fact you aren't as terrifying as a full eldritch. Gods rest her wherever she be your mother was a brave soul for facing and loving whatever she did to make you.

It only takes a half-shift into another plain and a conscious pulling back to this one to rouse your eldritch body. You look like a miniature almost of the horrors in that book when you are _that_ Cecil. But it's enough to rend the unprepared human mind horribly. You will take it slow, like Carlos said, though, now that you must.

You start with your third eye. He's seen that, many many times. You open that, he kisses your forehead, next to it. Hope threatens to work its way into the impossibility you feel. His dark hands are at your shirt front. He undoes your vest. You let a couple of long tentacles slide out from their black, tattooed symbolism on your skin and manifest. They tug your sweater over your head, revealing still mostly human torso. Carlos is still smiling so far and is kissing your skin, and gods that feels good. Hes loving you all over your front now, ravishing your collarbone and chest with his mouth, little nips and sucks and licks. He pulls back when you take it to the next step. Where eyes are painted on in ink, actual eyes split your skin. They match your own. Violet eyes, some humanoid, others very void, some with side-square pupils. They split down your shoulders, arms, torso in quick succession. There are dark tentacles slithering from your arms too, and that's when you see the first flickers of doubt.

You sense his mood shift. Perhaps it is the way actual eldritch feed off fear, or perhaps it is just some psychic resonance you alone posses, but you can tell every emotion he puts off, and discomfort, anxiety and fear is increasing. Your own pours out of you like invisible smoke of mood. But you can't fully stop. You know you are far from human now, in his eyes too. He takes a step back to look at you, wearing the face of puzzlement and forced calm. Of course seeing your boyfriend's skin open and reveal blinking, strange eyes, sliding tentacles (some wet with glistening fluid and some dry and silky with suckers and bright violet streaks of glowing bio luminescence) would make anyone a little uncomfortable at the very least.

But Carlos, your Carlos, steps forward and is brave again. He presses lips to yours, letting your appendages slide around him tentatively. His heart flutters like a rabbit's when one slides under his shirt, slicking his skin and rolling across his abs. It feel amazing to you, and as he shivers under the gentleness of the touch, feeling his human body with such a sensitive, raw appendage makes you feel so wonderful. You smile despite yourself, but you smile now with a startling number of mouths, splicing your skin everywhere eyes and tendrils had not. 

Carlos doesn't notice at first, busy twining his tongue with the only mouth you use in human form. Your dimension three mouth. But other mouths of yours can taste more with their many tongues, grip better with their pointed teeth. You feel dread flood him as he notices. Carlos pulls back once more, lips swollen from kissing and looks you up and down. You are disgusting him. You know you must be, but now you are on the quick slide to fully manifested and you cant do anything about it. Your tentacles divest him of his shirt and you of your pants to reveal legs that look the same as your upper body. You leave his pants, in case (when) he wants to run. But you cant stop reveling in how the tendrils that affect and caress his upper body feel, loving his skin. You want to never stop. He touches them with his hands, tries not to wince at the contact. Bless him, hes trying so beyond hard. His brown eyes are warm and afraid at the same time. You let your body keep moving despite everything in you wanting to stop scaring him so. 

Your bone structure morphs. Your skin will be turning now, and you close your eyes, all of them, you cant watch his expression as the last of humanness slips away from you. All of your skin will be deep obsidian and purple, with visible tendons in too many places, a silhouette that is more monster than human and hardly any definable head or body difference. There are misshapen claws where hands were, sprouting writhing tendrils varying in length from every surface that isn’t an eye. Your legs are gone in a mass of moving thick ropes of tentacle things and your former torso is more like a base for all these parts gone awry. Your eyes remain the same violet color that they were. Then the inevitable happens. Carlos screams, and jerks from your grasp.

\--

Carlos:

How insignificant is human life? How impossibly deadly can one thing be...and how much fight or flight reaction can ones body take when faced with what should be a fully instinctual danger. Cecil's manifest form is hideous. You weren’t expecting anything else. You didn’t know you screamed until he recoiled. Something in you, a very deep visceral part of you, knew you were about to die. There was nothing that didn’t smack of danger before you. A body made up of things that bit, that saw, that stabbed, that strangled, that pinned and none of it friendly to the eye or soul.

You were _terrified_. Tentacles let go of where they had been stroking you. Not unfriendly feeling at first, but it was when he lost any semblance of a human shape that you lost the ability to overcome your instinct to run from this deadly predator. The imagery of things that sat at the back of your mind during nightmares stuck with you. Something who's cry could shatter bone, you suddenly remember reading in that book. While it didn't make scientific sense unless you followed the idea of fourth and fifth dimensions here it was. Tentacles slid, claws dug at the air, fangs and teeth gnashed in places they shouldn't. You were just kissing that. You were going to be sick.

Hopelessness and the desire to cry flooded you.

No, not you...it flooded the room. Like empathy, it wasn't your emotion. Your emotion was fear. Someone else was feeling hopeless... You realize you are pressed with your back to the wall when you open your eyes to look again at the horror in front of you. Reality hits you very quickly. The fearsome being in front of you has actual tears in many of it's eyes. Most of them are closed, some parts of its...his...body are streaked with clear liquid and several of his appendages are gripping the now unlocked door, holding it open inches so that it could be pulled easily to set you free.

Your heart races

You brain fights itself.

You have an emotional reaction of love, and instinctual reaction of fear, and a secondary reaction of deep pity. You had screamed and hurried backwards into the wall. You were pressed in sheer horror as far away from your...boyfriend as possible. Your boyfriend was grotesque. But also crying. You take a jolting step towards him and the door. He tugs it open just a little further with at least four kinds of rope-like appendages. You steal yourself, bite back on your gag reflex, and touch your fingertips to the surface of his body, on the ropy, dry, strangely textured surface that was once his chest. It now felt like only sinews and bones and veins, and you valiantly fight the revulsion you cant help but feel. How can this even be possible?

You must have said it out loud, because the creature cringes, but then eyes opened to try and crane and stare at your hand. Your mind tried to form faces out of the various eyes and mouths but it gives you vertigo. You have to be able to love this...

"Carlos..." His voice helps draw you back to reality, though its spoken in too many resonances and that also makes you dizzy. There are still tears in some of his eyes. He is trying to wriggle out from under your touch. A litany of apologize are streaming from somewhere in your buzzing mind...they are coming from him...this close you can tell that he is apologizing through how he feels. What it must be like to be half god-like being with human emotions.

Emotions which were probably hurting now because of fear and your own hesitation to touch your boyfriend. Your Cecil. There was a void of need to be loved like any humans that was expanded by the half of Cecil that was not human but so much larger than, greater than, more omnipresent than. A horrible combination. You let your eyes slip closed despite the inherent feeling of danger. You forced yourself to trust the man you know not to harm you. You pictured the Cecil you were used to in your mind, or more, the idea of Cecil. You went over photographic memories to overcome the anxious fear in your body. Cecil making you coffee, Cecil watching “I Love Lucy” on your black-and-white (the only TV you managed to keep from warping under the magnetic fields here and hadn't bothered to buy another) Cecil waving at you like a hyper schoolgirl when he came out the front of his apartments for a date with you. Warm, loving, overly affectionate Cecil. You grip those memories tightly with your mind and let your eyes sliver open. At the same time, you start listening again.

"-los its enough that you have seen and are still here, give me fifteen minutes I'll shift back you can come back we can do other things, you don't have to put yourself through this my love, I'm already touched you didn't run far away, please Carlos don't do this...don't touch _this_ body with your perfect hands, I've changed my mind, I don't want to defile you this way I will hffg-" You cut off his words by throwing yourself forward. You kiss the nearest mouth you see, clinging still to all the ideas of what was Cecil Palmer. You collide with lips and tongues and sharp teeth but you open your mouth and force yourself to taste him. Its frighting at first, the mouth is too big to be human, to sharp, more than one slick tongue is pressing against yours. Its not natural. You pull away after a moment, breath hitching, sharp and hard in your chest. Cecil is stock still all around you.

"You kissed me." He says softly, disbelieving. There is a silent 'when i look like this' to the end of that statement. "I...thank you...thank you...that's more than enough. thank you..." Several stacked Cecil voices say in perfect unison , very nearly sounding like just one Cecil's amazing voice. You reflect on your position for only a moment. You are now pressed very close to the utterly deranged body of a half-horror, your boyfriend, in perfect reach of certain death, and the danger hasn't made your heart slow down its pounding but...

Kissing that mouth wasn't on a whole unpleasant. You pull yourself together into logic mode.

"So no one has ever"

"Never been affectionate with me like this, except for maybe in childhood, but I really don't know. Affection for elderitch beings is different. I think. I don't know much about them.. I just know about me" Cecil voice was growing casual as you relax too, as if your emotions are linked. "You are disgusted and afraid...why did you still kiss me?" Cecil asks you finally.

"Because it's you...and you deserved to have a kiss...Cecil...we don't have to stop." You tell him. You should regret the words, but the more you force yourself calm, push yourself into comfortable, the more he seems to ease too. 

"We don't have to do anything more than this, either...can I hold you?" He asks tentatively. You are thankful for the fact that his eyes are all more or less that familiar color though...it makes it so easy to shift your focus to just one eye or pair and it's expressions.

"Yes...you wont hurt me?" You wince, that was probably a dick move but you couldn't help the words.

"Not if it took my own life force not to." He tells you. You are comforted.

"And nothing on your body can actually harm me toxin wise..."

"No, not unless I wanted to and I don't want to."

"Cecil..." You cant believe you are saying this.

"Carlos?"

"Lets have sex."

-

Your plan is to prove to him that you love him, though that needs little proof, but also prove to him and yourself that you can love more than just a human body. You began this relationship in the hopes of being wrong about the scientific definitions of love and feeling and the reasons for procreative relationships that seemed so meaningless when spread out in scientific terms.

And you would be wrong about that, because something you truly couldn’t explain, couldn’t test, couldn’t measure, made you carefully lead a monster to your boyfriend's bedroom, remove the last of your own clothes, allow the creature to comfort himself on his bed, and climb onto him. On to a mess of movement, some slick and hot, some smooth and cool, and begin kissing. You kiss one mouth and another, don't flinch when dangerous feeling things wrap around you. You push your mind to trust. Trust Cecil, trust him as his tendrils touch you, they don't hurt you. Trust him as one of his mouths yields and kisses back, this one had one long tongue to twine and slide with yours. Trust him as he explores you, getting braver. Trust Cecil Palmer.

You let your mouth wander, and taste and explore him. You press your lips to sinewy flesh, kiss him in places you shouldn't, on flesh that has never known the tender touch of another. You feel a hand like appendage touch you, and another, and a third...one tangled in your hair...you press your palms to tentacle and flesh and a wet mouth slips open under one of your hands and you let it lap at your fingers. Cecil makes hushed sounds under you, little moans of pleasure, and the wrongness of it all slips to the back of your mind. You forget the strangeness of his body and focus on learning it. You suck too long, bite too much and taste and touch everywhere. You lick him inappropriate places and he shutters into some of the minstrations.

His mass of tentacles drags one of your hands into it and pulls it to a wet core area where you can slide into a pit of hot damp sticky flesh and he keens in a most inhuman way. You are pleasuring him...that is an exciting thought.

"I...I'm sorry..." His voice gasps at you. "I didn't mean..you don't have to..."

You tell him to shoosh. You kiss a sideways mouth and it's interesting. You move your hand some more and all of Cecil's words are lost for a moment in a mutter mess of 'oh gods below' and 'no one has ever' 'never thought i would' 'perfect Carlos perfect hands.' You are beginning to not want to stop. His tentacles are getting close to your dick. Which is getting close to hard...from the noises? from the fact that regardless of the form you are pleasuring Cecil, the man you love? you don't flinch this time when he touches a new part of you. His emotion is cautious, questioning...god is he getting to the point where he is just a communicative emotion? Somehow, you sort of want more. You move your hand in different ways and ask...

"Any of these..er...tentacles particularly erogenous?" because how will you know if you don't ask. Several eyes widen at once. One that had been actually trying to work its way towards your ass moves up your body and presents itself. You immediately lick it, kiss it and suck it into your throat. Years of being with other males has made you pretty capable at this, even though a moving target is more difficult. It feels like sucking off a large tongue, dripping sticky sweet (you hoped not poison...trust Cecil. trust him.) on your pallet. your hand doesn't stop but Cecil's body is a fluttering flurry of motion and moans and strange noises. . You are pulled forward and you don't fight. One of Cecil's mouths takes you in and you scream, not in fear but overwhelmed pleasure. You are starting to see the humanity even in this body of his. The reactions, the feelings...the way his mouths gasp. You love it...you love him. A strange, transcendent love that doesn't make much sense. It has nearly beaten back all your instinctual fear. You are making love to your boyfriend, and nothing more.

  
  


\--

Cecil:

You couldn't begin to describe everything you feel if you tried to. There was touch, affection and love...there was pleasure, there was a mouth not stopping, not peeling back in disgust but actually working bites and kisses into strange and awful flesh. There was a tongue that tangle with any of yours it came into contact with. There was a _hand_ working at your gentiles and it wasn't stopping at the strangeness of them. You knew what it was like to be human, knew what all humans looked like normally...what they should feel. You knew all of that and so you know how utterly inhuman you were now. His soft brown eyes met yours though. His soft tan lips touched yours. He _loved_ on every single inch of you he could find and you slowly started to let yourself do the same in return.

"Cecil?" He asked. His sweet voice held no hint of fear and you were certain that would need a miracle license and soon. 

"Yes?"

"Can I put this..." He motioned to his hard member. "Where my hand is? I want...to be as close to making love to you as i-"

"Gods of us all yes!" Too enthusiastic..too much Cecil, pull it back. "If you want to! if you wont...its not gross? Carlos this Isn't gross to you?"

"Cecil, I was past gross once my brain caught on that this was still you..." He explains, as gentle and patient as he always is with you. You nearly as puzzled by yourself as he was by you. patient, kind and

woah

shifting himself. 

You help him slide into the center of your masses and tangle him there instinctively. Something firm replaces his hand and goes longer, deeper than his fingers had. You are nowhere near tight around him but there are tons of erogenous tendrils to make up for that and they stroke him all over, the rest of his most intimate parts pressed against you. You are overwhelmed. And you climax.

\--

Carlos:

Having a half-Eldritch come around you is indescribable. You come with him almost immediately, the contact too much, the movement strangely erotic. and in that moment you could let him kill you for all the fact your guard is so far down. 

You don't care. He is your boyfriend. Your lover. and he wont kill you. 

His tendrils don't dissipate fast at all. He stays in Eldritch form, manifested dark and lovingly tangled around you. He seems to sigh. and your eyes close as you come down, not willing to move. And you fall asleep forgetting that Cecil Isn't human. No, not forgetting...you actually just don't care. You are in many of your boyfriend's loving arms, and that is perfect.

 


End file.
